One day, 4 lessons.

So, there I was, in Prague. Let me first take a moment to fully appreciate the fact that I was able to spend my 21st birthday in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. [moment taken]. The first two days were all about discovering the city, eating all of the strange combinations of dough and bacon, honey and wine and shit like that. I walked a lot, felt extremely inadequate a couple of times and was absolutely sure, at least one, that I was gonna pee my pants cause we wouldn't find public bathrooms and I didn't want to pay to use one.

On our third day in Prague, we decided to do something different: we went to visit a concentration camp an hour away from the city. Don't get the wrong, the mindless traveling was great, but sometimes you just get that feeling that you need to experience the unsettling reality, just to make sure you understand how lucky you are just to be allowed to exist.
So I went to Terezin. At first I was just amazed at the size of that camp. It was literally a small city with buildings, parks, synagogue, everything. I guess I was mostly uncomfortable with the fact that if I didn't know, I would have guessed that this place was just a small town in the rural parts of the country. But this was the concentration camp that a lot of Jewish people went to right before leaving for Auschwitz.
First lesson of the day: just because you see it, it doesn't mean you know its history.

We made our way to the museum. There, thousands of drawings done by children when they were in the camp were in exhibition. Most drawings showed the kids running around, their parents, trains, food, happy faces, death. Just like that. Death was not only common in their drawings, it seemed normal. By growing up in this sick environment, thousands of children were led to believe that unnecessary death was natural. The drawings seem to suggest that they became desensitized by it.
Second lesson of the day: sometimes people become indifferent even the most horrendous things. That happens when feeling is not an option anymore.

After that, we went to see the barracks. There, we saw a big room where they used to have the "theater company". In the midst of all the agony and pain, these people found hope in the arts. While looking at the names and the profiles of some of the people in the camp, I was completely blown away to find out that many of the people who were sent to Terezin––and later to Auschwitz––were educated men and women who held prestigious positions in society, or high ranked military personnel that fought the First World War. These men and women probably believed that their "superior" status in society would differentiate them from "the rest". But there they were, pilled up with thousands of other people from different backgrounds, professions, social economic status etc...
Third Lesson of the day: Society tries to create this image that if you are part of the "prestigious few" you will be above anything. Don't be fooled, injustice and tragedy can happen to anyone.

Lastly, while walking around the camp I realized that that was the place that a few decades ago stole the life of so many people. Yet, now it is the home of some restaurants, shops, bus stops and public parks. Even though a lot of the camp is preserved by the government, some of it became part of the city. Decades ago Terezin was overcrowded with Jewish citizens who were unwillingly placed there and who left only to be allocated to an extermination camp. Today, people drive around Terezin, pass it on their way to work, walk in and out as they please.
Forth lesson of the day: the hardest part about visiting a place where so much injustice took place is not the fact that you are obligated to recognize how sick the world can be. The hardest part is to understand that life always goes on.


Going to Terezin this week made me feel deeply embarrassed. I was embarrassed to be part of the human race, to realize that human beings are capable of committing crimes that I will never understand. On Sunday, for the first time in my life, I learned how it feels like to be ashamed of being part of something. I was ashamed of being human.

You are young, life has been kind to you. You will learn....(Sweeney Todd)

I am back.

I am back to say that making friends is proving itself to be much harder than I thought it would be. When I decided to come to London, I thought to myself: hey, on my freshman year of college I made wonderful friends really quickly. I transferred universities on my second year and still managed to find some amazing people very early in the game. Not to mention that I am still extremely close to my high school friend in Brazil. So, how hard could it be to make friends in London?

Well, it turns out it is pretty hard. Here's what they don't tell you when you come to study abroad in London: students have a house department. That means that they are required to take specific classes each semester in order to graduate with the major they want. As they all take the same classes, people from the same major always have class together. So they become friends during their freshman year. Consequence: when you, poor abroad student, come on your second or third year they don't really have any reason to talk to you because all of their friends are sitting right next to them. all.the.time.
Don't get me wrong, I try to start conversations, ask for random things just to get them to realize that I am there. But they barely answer my question and go back to their inside jokes.

I've always been skeptical about study abroad kids that come back BFFs of other students in the program but not of residents of the country. Well, here I am, bitting my tongue as I go out with a bunch of Americans and with no British kids. And I don't even have the language barrier! I don't even know how much harder this would be if I had chosen to go to Germany. Oh boy, it gives me a headache just thinking about it.

So yes, next time I see a study abroad kid at GW, I will make damn sure I talk to that kid. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with the american friends I've made so far and I am I really loving my study abroad experience.

But to be honest, I kindda miss GW, where I actually have really good friends.....

What's next?

Last week I had the amazing opportunity to spend a couple of days in Edinburgh. I took a good old bus from London and after glorious 10 hours I arrived in Scotland. And my eyes just fell in love.
Edinburgh is absolutely stunning. It felt like Hogwarts, it smelled like fall, people were so nice and friendly and the city is just beautiful. But it was raining and cold (I guess even heaven has its problems).

On my second day there, while talking to the botanic garden with a baguette and sparkling water, I thought to myself: this place is so beautiful, I could just stay. We all think that at least once in our lives while traveling. I am very prone to say things like that. I saw myself living in Venice, Chicago, Washington DC, Patagonia and London. But this time it finally hit me: there is absolutely nothing stoping me form actually living in Edinburgh! It was such a new though to me that I got butterflies just thinking about it, but I finally realized that I have no roots anywhere holding me back. I am finishing college and I literally have the entire world to choose from.

I know it sounds obvious, but this idea is much more complex than it appears. By being privileged enough to be able to travel around Europe I realized that the world is just SO big and have so many cultures and places that I can relate to. I can build a life in so many places that it almost sounds sinful to settle with going back to Brazil or just staying in America. So I officially have my thinking hat on, because in less than two years I need to figure out not only what I want to do with my life, but WHERE I want to do it.

It is slowly hitting me how lucky I am to be able to make these decisions. My family is amazing and would support me even if I decided to live in Mars. When I was considering moving to America, I was too scared to leave my family, specially my brother, behind. So I told him that, and his answer was: you are the most amazing person I know, PLEASE leave and go have an amazing life. And when I asked my mom if she would be willing to pay for my college she said: even if I had to take 1000 loans, I want you to go wherever will make you happy. So yes ladies and gentleman, I have an amazing support system. And yes, I feel VERY pressured to do something wonderful with my life to somehow pay them back for being so fantastic.

On that note, I am sending Tim Burton a letter in the hopes that I can intern for him next summer. Wish me luck!

God bless the USA

Today was my first official day at King's College. As I am taking several classes on the War Studies department, it was not a surprise to me when I found out that my first lecture was called : Cold War and its consequences. When I saw the title in the powerpoint, I cringed a little and thought to myself: this is going to be one of those really boring lectures.....but god knows I was wrong.

I think I highly underestimate the consequences of going to University in the US, because I was not prepared for what happened today and my reaction to it all. Basically, in within 3 minutes into the: "what was the Cold War" question, students were openly calling America the one and only cause of the war, saying that americans bought the bullshit that it was a war for democracy when it was actually all about capitalism and not losing economic markets etc...More surprising than these statements (which are not really surprising at all, it is just that the students said it as if they were so superior to american politics that it gave me the chills) was that I was really angry at such ignorance.

Here's what I have to say about all of this anti-american sentiment that seems to be everywhere: I understand how you feel. I do not by any means agree with a lot of political decisions made by american politicians, they are extreme and uneducated decisions. And I also agree that the consequences of those decisions were/are very dangerous. Now, I will not agree with students who perceive americans as "specially dumb people". Here's a little secret for you: every single country has a very BIG percentage of ignorant and uneducated citizens. I am not even talking about the part of the population that doesn't have access to information, I am referring to the elites of all countries. The ones that have plenty of access to all sources of information, but chose ignorance instead of knowledge. These people exist everywhere, not just in America. The problem is that America is a so called "superpower", which means that the decisions made by the people in America have bigger consequences than the decisions made by the people in Latvia. As a consequence, the ignorant people in the US are more dangerous than the ignorant people in Brazil. As you can see, this has NOTHING to do with Americans being more stupid, it has to do with them having more power.

Actually, a good deal of citizens in America will agree with your views against american politics, or haven't you noticed who is sitting in the White House at the present moment?! If their people are so dumb, why did they elect a president capable of drastically decreasing the anti-american sentiment around the world?
Hating the big guy who makes the big calls is the easy part, how about starting to realize how many countries support their decisions? Don't be surprised to find your country on the list.

This is very simple logic. The voice of authority has little room for mistake because everyone else is sitting on their desks, watching and being directly affected by their actions. But that doesn't make the voice of authority any more or less prone to making mistakes.

So please, feel free to criticize the decisions made by the American government (I do it all the time!), or by any government for that matter. However, DO NOT assume an air of superiority when you do this, because your country is not by any means exempt of ignorant citizens. Actually, if you are not able to understand that there are ignorant people everywhere, chances are that you are one of them.


[This post is either the result of heavy american brainwashing, so subtle that during my years in america I didn't realize that I was becoming a member of the american lovers society. OR it is a result of living in a culture for long enough to realize that even the so called "bad guys" are the victims sometimes.]

Pub talk

On wednesday I went to the pub with and old friend and newly met ones. While we were having the awkward breaking-the-ice conversation, the inevitable question came up: so, what are your plans after college? Inevitable, 3 out of the 4 kids in the table said: I will probably open a company (the fourth one who didn't say that was me). Even though I am used to their answer, as 90% of students in my university answer the same thing, I can't help it but feel a little sad.
Before I continue, I will say that it would be extremely hypocritical of my part to talk bullshit about the business industry, after all, thanks to my mother's job I was able to afford going to a school in america and travel to London. I am the proud daughter of a business woman, and I am not by any means afraid to yell this to whomever wants to hear it.
Now, here is my problem with everybody wanting to open a company: our society seems to associate success with business. Since were are kids we are wired to make this association and we all (including myself) buy this bullshit without thinking twice. The result is a bunch of young adults who are brilliant in other fields trying deny their true passions because they think that they would never achieve success - and therefore be happy- by being a sociologist.
Just to make my point, I will use an example: my best friend is absolutely brilliant. She is funny, sassy, extremely politically aware and very determined. She loves international affairs and journalism. I can see her being a fantastic journalist, an amazing human rights advocate and much, much, more. When she talks about poverty, her eyes lit up and you just know that if she could work with any Non - Profit she would be happy for the rest of her life. And yet, if you ask her what internship she is looking for next semester, she will say that she is looking for an internship in a bank. She is good in economics, and she knows that that's the right step to take in order to get into the business industry. Why the business industry? because that's where all opportunities and happiness is. Or so we are told.
And there you have it. Another person giving up on a dream without even realizing what her dream was.
Now I am beginning to understand the cheesy quotes: "never give up on your dreams" or "you are never too old to achieve greatness" and all that crap. After that conversation on the pub with my friends, I began wondering how many of us give up on our dreams just like that, by choosing to look for an internship at bank of america instead of at Amnesty International. How many of us slowly give up on an anthropology major to add "pre law" to our diplomas. And just like that, with small decisions, we give up on what we once wanted so passionately to follow the so called "path to success". No wonder middle age crisis is a real thing. My only question is why it takes us to be 50 years old to realize that most of us give up on our dreams without giving it a real shot.
I wish with all my heart that my friend gives up on her economics internship and pursue a career that will truly make her happy. A career that will bring a whole new meaning to the word success.

 On wednesday, when they asked what my plans were after college, I said I wanted to continue with Peace Studies and maybe save the world one day. It gives me a little peace of mind to know that I haven't given up on my dreams.....at least not yet.

(as for my best friend, fear not, she hasn't given up on her dreams either, she just needs a friend to constantly remind her that her dreams are who she is, and giving up on them would be to kill our chances to be happy.)

Where are you from? Stupid, STUPID question!

Hi I am Carolina, a junior at GW University and I decided to start a blog while I am studying abroad in London. But before I start, I would like to explain why the title of this blog is: Girl without a nation. It turns out that I was born in Brazil, but my mother's family is German and my dad's family is Italian. I went to a German school in Brazil and when I was 17 I decided that I wanted to go to college in America. I've been in the US for almost 3 years, and after that I can almost consider myself a native (or at least I understand most of their jokes, which is remarkable if you ask me). Last year, I decided that I wanted more, I wanted to go to London. Consequence: I am now enrolled at King's college until the end of the year.
Once, landing in O'Hare for the 10th time, I had a little epiphany: everywhere I land, no matter the country or the city, something tells me that that's my home. And it is. From that day forward, I realized that I can't call myself brazilian, german, italian. I am part of the nation that I am visiting. I immerse myself in their culture and their values as much as I can. And when I finally leave that place, everything I learned becomes a part of me. So where am I from? well, that depends on how I am feelings that day =)


XOXO
Nean Bean